When you try forgetting him but you can’t Remember he was never really all that Remember he loved to talk .TO. you but never with you And when you would text him he would never reply back The best time to get his attention was drunken nights Saturdays to be more exact And although you’d always find yourself looking in his eyes He never found his way to look back Remember that no matter how amazing he could sing and play guitar He never strummed the right tune with you And even though you thought you were getting comfortable with him He made sure not to get too comfortable with you He apologized for letting it get too far As if the feeling of feeling was too bazarre Yet he crawled back when you invited him over Dropped his apology when you gave him permission to use his boner You two never spoke again Only the hickeys stayed behind and felt as though they bled You told people you hated him Though you longed to be his friend You never wanted anything more Just someone to talk to and maybe occasionally score But lunch and a coffee was too much to ask Remember that every time you offered he always said he’d pass Yet you thought he may have cared He would softly scan every curve with his hand Even loved your messy curly hair But all you can assume is that it was an illusion That all he wanted was sex and never saw you as anything resembling human You looked at him as someone to groove with, he looked at you as a body to move with It sucks A lot Yet, remember for every guy that screws you over to never fill yourself with hate Meeting this boy taught you to let yourself feel for once and never force something that is meant to fall into place So when you try forgetting him but you can’t Remember he never deserved you because he never gave you a chance
My mamma Oh my mamma is like that of wind She knows how to make you feel kisses from a distance Take a falling leaf and let its veins write you a love letter Oh my mamma can speak to birds She makes sure they say good morning from my bedroom window everyday Let it be known…my mamma don’t play And on the day’s I’m feeling lonely She’ll make sure the world has a playlist ready to make me dance Twirl around and remind me that I’m my greatest romance Oh my mamma resembles trees Home to many, but has embedded its roots within me Ancestral ties She says, “Never forget the women who have given you life” Oh my mamma is a river A place to bathe in love, but come out an olympic swimmer Oh my mamma knows the ways of the sun Whispers its warmth in her original mamma tongue Generational queue
A line of women that bear the world, and yet see it in you Oh my mamma has made mistakes She learned the ways of a needle and sewn them beautifully on her cape No she cannot fly She taught me how to stand my ground and when to stride on by But most importantly, my mamma says shes proud of me Tells me I’ve helped make her into the woman she never thought she’d be And I’m so happy to see Little parts of my mamma sprinkled in me And I know a day will come When I too will have to learn the original mamma tongue And I will send the wind, drop a leaf, speak to the birds, and be a tree To be all the amazing things my mamma was for me Because each time I share the story of how my mamma was that of mother earth A flower is planted, and love is birthed.
I want a kit kat kind of love The type of love where we are still a single unity on our own. Still good separated Even better to be shared But known to be together I want to feel like I’ve been dipped in chocolate Devoured like I’m rich We are to compliment each other Our love is to be paired with wine Feel like we are indulging Yet slowly losing our minds Bottle by bottle Intoxication I want you to make me dance Hmm a little tune We are delicate Should be handled with care Though still capable to be inhaled like a woman craving us once a month Like I am to crave you Once a month We will remind each other that we aren’t crazy That we were made for each other Prepackaged with each of our own destiny that happened to melt together We are to be the anticipation a child has when coming home after trick or treating We are too impatience to check the wrapper, you are worth every possible danger We are to simply “just make sense” Like a kit kat to its bar Our love is to come in fun size and in king You already know I am a queen A little crunch with every step A little snap in every bite Our love is to be addicting A warning on our label A love one should splurge on for the simple fact it makes you feel good I want a kit kat kind of love Unraveled slowly And enjoyed piece by piece
To the people who say they love me Please stop asking how I am because I hate lying and somehow it still shocks me you have to ask I need you understand the person you fell in love with has died She is gone Know that who I am now is someone you will not love easily Someone that will pain you to love, because it hurts me to even breath Kills me to be alive, and trust me…loving a dead girl is hard But I need you to see this I need you to look at the body Take in the evidence and see the crime scene that lays upon me Take a picture if you like and burn it Let the flames rise high and make it a ritual A ceremony Just make it something tangible Make it real for me Be the light that looks down into the darkness and waves to my soul that sits at the bottom Drop down notes that softly flutter toward me, making me reach for something Acknowledge that the old me has passed Because I am grieving an unsolved homicide A murder that is both tragic and ongoing When you ignore my depression, my loneliness becomes more concrete Like cement that has been laid for you to walk on I need you to look down and see me before your feet Pick up the gravel that I feel I am and let me fall between your fingers Let me fall Witness the accident If you can slow down and look at the horror of two cars collide Then you HAVE to be able to slow down and look at the horror that is me You HAVE to Grieve with me, be scared with me. Because I too am going through the stages I want her back just as much as you do But my happiness will not return when you hold on to the parts of me I no longer know If you say you love me I need to know it’s possible for you to love all of my reincarnations I’m sorry if it’s tiring I’m tired too Which is why I need you to stop asking the question that pains me to answer So please, just know I’m not okay You will know when I am Because the girl I am now too, will eventually die and a new me will be born And I hope, you will have to share your love, with her own.
To the boy who said, “I’ve never fucked a black girl before” As if the spreading of my legs has anything to do with my race As if the melanin make up in my skin is a deciding factor of worthiness for love I am not an exception I am exceptional I am a curly haired goddess who just learned to love herself To be honest I’m surprised he looked at me as black Many times I am lost in a void of confusion Stuck in the middle with neither side of the moon pulling for me But I am not a wave I am the sand it tickles through Majority say I speak with white eloquency but rain black thunder like a lion with my opinionated thoughts. I come from the diversified unification of my parents and I am proudly a steady makeup of both of them… I am me Many times I’m told who I am based on how others see me “Girl don’t act like you’re black” I am not exotic I am not an animal I am my own being I am a queen And no man will step in my palace who thinks I am nothing more than a check mark on his bucket list Don’t question my throne, I will fuck your day up Whatever you think I am…I am all of it and much more honey I will not let your ignorant infested mind, sicken me with your stupidity I will not let your bitterness take away my sweet succulent love I am more than just a girl with a pussy I am more than just a BLACK girl with a pussy My womanhood is the sun and my rays will never shine its warmth on you If you look at me as your first time for anything other than losing your virginity, fuck yourself and check that shit off your bucket list How many more times do I have to have a good conversation cut short because of dumb foolery Obviously too many I’m tired of counting I’m tired of meeting guys who are infected with a URT Undetected Racist Thought A disease the holder is unaware of but passes that shit along I am a girl who comes from a white mother and a black father I come from the descent of backbones made from shards of metal lashes and I am capable of more than you could ever imagine to put on your bucket list I am not a colored object you can check off I am a woman strong enough to know when to cut boys like you off… I am all I am and that is enough He said “I’ve never fucked a black girl before” I said, “I won’t be your first.